The pyrene-1,3,6-trisulfonate scaffold is introduced as an internal cofactor for histidine-rich p-octiphenyl ß-barrels with catalytic and ion channel activity to mediate binding and conversion of otherwise inaccessible benzaldehyde substrates. Up to 170,000-fold accelerations of amide, ester, and carbonate hydrolysis, high substrate diversity, high chemoselectivity, and absence of enantioselectivity are reported.